The Heebiest of Geebies!

I'm going to tell you a story... it's about spiders so make sure you're prepared for the sudden urge to scratch all over.

All the lights were out and I was tucked comfortably into my cloud bed when I remembered I needed to plug in my phone. So I reached over and turned on the bedside lamp. That's when I saw the first little bugger. He was tiny, so I just squashed him with my thumb before he could crawl into my brain through my nasal cavity and have lots of babies inside my head. I felt pleased with my lack of squirmishness at this and was quietly congratulating myself on the accomplishment when I saw the second little bugger... then the third a little higher up on the wall. From there everything felt like it moved in slow motion. My eyes slowly followed the trail of little bodies up the wall to the creeping mass of baby spiders. Thousands of them! All over the wall and ceiling above my bed. All together now.... Ewwwwwwwww! And Shake it out... phlebedejebe!

Naturally my first instinct was to call a boy. And that's exactly what I did. But did said boy jump on his white horse to come and rescue the fair maiden? I say unto you, Nay! He did not! What did he do, you ask? He LAUGHED at Me! Laughed! Not Cool, Boyfriend! You’re dead to me now.

So here I am alone in a creepy house with a billion creepy spiders. Not Good. So I get the Raid… the all purpose creepy-crawly-thingy-killer. I grab the step stool, get as close as I dare to the mass, hold my breath, and spray the little suckers to kingdom come. Oh how I wish this is where the story ends. But alas.... it continues.

Unfortunately I didn’t take a closer look at the popcorn ceiling before I sprayed the spider nest. If I had, I may have noticed that the tiny baby spiders were EVERYWHERE in the ceiling. Not easy to see since they are small enough to hide in the shadows of the popcorn. What this means is that the instant I spray the Raid at their friends, the spiders hiding in the popcorn DROP from the ceiling and are now not only dangling all around me like really creepy streamers, but are probably in my hair and on my clothes and EWWWWW… EEEEKKKKKKK… AAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

My head still itches.

This morning I bought a bug bomb and if there aren’t a billion and one little spider carcasses in my room when I get home… I’m Moving Out!